Nashville Shooter’s Disturbing Journal Entries Reveal Obsession With Imaginary Body And Desire For Puberty Blockers

The recently released journal entries of Audrey Hale, the transgender shooter responsible for the deadly attack on Nashville’s Covenant Christian School last year, have shed light on her disturbing thought processes and motivations. The writings, spanning four dozen pages, delve into Hale’s resentment towards her parents, her rejection of her Christian upbringing, and her belief that access to hormone blockers could have alleviated her suffering.

Hale, a biological woman who identified as a transgender man, began her notebook entries with the unsettling heading “My Imaginary Penis,” accompanied by a crude illustration. She expressed her conviction that she was male, writing, “My penis exists in my head. I swear to god I’m a male.” Hale’s struggles with gender dysphoria and her desire for a penis to engage in sexual intercourse with a woman were also detailed in the journal.

The shooter’s entries revealed the challenges she faced when using her preferred male name, “Aiden,” on a job application, which caused issues with the company’s background check. Hale described growing up as a girl as “torture” and expressed fear of being called derogatory names by her high school peers.

Hale’s discovery of transgenderism in her early 20s was a turning point, with her writing, “I finally found the answer — that changing one’s gender is possible.” However, her mother’s conservative views and reluctance to accept her transition strained their relationship. Hale expressed frustration, stating, “I hate parental views; how my mom sees me as a daughter — and she’d not bear to want to lose that daughter because a son would be the death of Audrey.”

The emergence of puberty blockers in the 2010s elicited a strong reaction from Hale, who wrote, “I’d kill to have those resources.” She lamented that by the time the drugs became available, she had already gone through puberty.

Disturbingly, Hale’s journal entries also detailed her use of stuffed animals to act out sexual situations in her fantasies of being a male seducing a woman. She wrote about spending hours simulating sexual activity between her “stuffed boy doll” named Tony and another plush toy, even taking pictures of the simulated acts.

Just 16 days before the shooting, Hale made politically charged statements about the rights of transgender individuals and gun owners, expressing her hatred for politicians who she believed criminalized both.

The release of these journal entries has sparked debate, with some accusing government officials of initially withholding the information out of fear of harming the transgender community. As the investigation continues, the disturbing insights into Hale’s mind serve as a chilling reminder of the complex factors that can contribute to such tragic events.